This humble self is welcomed by the usual overflowing merciful glance of the Gurunãtha. There is deep silence for some time. I am in the stunned state of confusion – how to clear my doubt? Voluntarily, the Swamigal speaks on some matters regarding the construction of building. Some moment later, gathering up my courage and clearing my throat, I speak with fear, “For a long time now a doubt has been weighing heavy on my mind, Swami! It is only Gurunãtha who should clear it.” I do sound foolish, too.

Gurunãtha smiles. He then continues, “Doubt? For us? No! It should not arise! Well! Let that has raised, come out!”

Humble self: “Swami! It is about what the elders say – that not the smallest of atoms can move without HIM.”

Gurunãtha: “Yes! The elders only quote Thãyumãnavar. What doubt and confusion could have arisen for us in this matter?”

Humble self: “Swami! does this not mean that all that takes place in this world is being conducted by God?”

Gurunãtha: “Certainly! there is absolutely no place for doubt.”

Humble self: “Swami! Am I then not given to understand that all that I do have been initiated by God?”

Gurunãtha: “Yes!”

Humble self: “Pardon me, Swami! It is here that the confusion rises up. When I deem that everything is only because of Him, then, should not the sinful acts committed by me have also been initiated by Him, Swami?”

Gurunãtha: “(bursting out with laughter) “Good question – a question that needs clarification, indeed. Well! Let’s leave it aside. What does sinful act mean? Swami does not understand this?”

Humble self: “Swami! It is troubling others physically and mentally for his need and joy.”

Gurunãtha: “What kind of sinful acts have we done for suffering from such confusion now? (After asking this, He looks penetratingly into my humble self. In the sharpness of His gaze the ‘dharmic’ (righteous) feeling of confessing the truth swells up in me).

Humble self: “They are not just one or two, Swami! Leaving out murder and thieving, I possessed most other vices in my youth.”

Gurunãtha: “For example………?”

Humble self: “When a beggar sought food out of hunger I began to tease him. I then beat him until the stick in my hand broke and his leg bones were fractured. I misbehaved with a young girl studying in a college, as a result of which she was compelled to discontinue her studies. Further, ………..”

Gurunãtha: “How can breaking the leg of a beggar and being the cause of a teenager discontinuing her college studies be considered a sin? Who has said so? It is sheer madness. Who could earn such an opportunity to perform such merit (‘punya’)? Do not be confused. Swami says that all the acts done are verily ‘punya’. Let’s be at peace.” (He laughs)

I am stunned to hear this – yet, gathering myself up I ask, “Swami! How could these be considered ‘punya’? Certainly they are sins, Swami!”

Gurunãtha: “Will it suffice to say that they are sinful acts? Is there any proof (for declaring so)?”

Humble self: “Swami, do not the ancient Texts and Epics repeatedly speak so?”

Gurunãtha: “Epics? Mere dirt! We have no faith in those – they are of no use to us……..anything else?”

Humble self: “Pardon me, Swami! Honestly they are all sinful acts. My Consciences says so, Swami!”

Gurunãtha: “Ah! That’s the line we should take up! Oh! The conscience says so! Let’s take tight hold of it. The Conscience is verily the ‘HE’. We cannot perform anything without ‘Him’ knowing anything. Whenever we act, the conscience that is ‘Him’ does not fail to point out to us, in His soft voice, ‘this is good’ or ‘this is bad’. Let us go ahead and perform when ‘He’ says ‘good’ and drop it when pointed out as ‘bad’. ‘He’ that is God places both before us. It is we who, through our intellect, should differentiate between the two and earn the benefit. Therefore, do not wander about imagining ‘Him’ to be one in the midst of the ocean with four arms or one with poison in His throat. It is best to conduct ourselves realizing that ‘HE’ is verily seated within us.”

------ Courtesy: Jnãnãnanda Darshan

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